ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
