Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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