And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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