i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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