Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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