to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
