Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
