oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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