I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
