I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
