why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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