i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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