I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
