soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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