well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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