I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
