Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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