He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
