Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
