Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
