I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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