Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
