she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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