I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
