then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Shame - the story of my life.
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