And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
