Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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