he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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