I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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