Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
