i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
