why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
