I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize