Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
