Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
