Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
