I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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