you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
