please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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