exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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