i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize