The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
