2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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