when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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