Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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