told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
