Non-Jews are for practice
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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