There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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