Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
