In the future we'll all be gay
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
