Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
