you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
