Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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