My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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