There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize