she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
