Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
