She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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