I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
