I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
