were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
