we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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