some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
