those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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