You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
